The Heritage team sat down with Stephanie Thornton Plymale to uncover details of the writing process of American Daughter, and to learn how Stephanie was able to forgive and mend her relationship with her mother.
What was the moment you knew that you were going to write your memoir, American Daughter?
I was at a design conference in Las Vegas with a few colleagues, and over dinner they casually asked me about my childhood. I always guarded my past around friends, deflecting questions by turning the spotlight back on others or changing topics. As such, I brushed it off like I always did, but they were relentless. The barrage of questions continued until finally, after a few glasses of wine… I opened up about my past. My colleagues responded with shock and support! They told me that the world needed to hear my story, and that’s when I knew I had to write this book.
How did writing American Daughter help you learn how to forgive and to heal?
Writing my memoir helped me to have a better understanding of my mother and her past. During the process, much of my anger towards her turned into compassion, and through that transformation I was able to forgive her. Today I can honestly say that I’m healed from that part of my life – that chapter has closed. My mom lived with her cancer far longer than doctors expected. This was a gift of time which I believe was granted to allow us to find closure and heal together. Now, I feel a calling to be a teacher: to help other people overcome their trauma and mend broken relationships.
Has sharing your story helped you redefine and find the best version of yourself?
Yes, I am a whole person now! The writing of American Daughter repaired many broken aspects of my life. It brought me a relationship with my mother, the redemption of my family, and much needed personal healing. Putting all of the missing pieces of my heritage back together has made me feel complete. Today I feel great about both what I am and who I am.
How has sharing such a difficult story influenced the public’s perception of you?
I was always terrified to share my story, which is why I kept it a secret for 50 years. Since the release of American Daughter, I have been wowed by the overwhelmingly positive responses from readers, friends and community members. I have found that many people can relate to my story. In turn, my journey has inspired them to open up about their past, to heal, and to live their best lives.
Throughout the writing process, was there ever a time you wanted to quit?
It took me five years to finish writing American Daughter. At times the writing process was exhausting – mentally, physically, and emotionally! There were times when I wanted to quit; I even did quit for a year. During that time, I took a step back from the project to focus on taking care of my mom and spending as much time with her as I could. I’m eternally grateful that I was able to spend that time with my mom before she passed away. I’ll always cherish those moments with her. After taking a year off from writing, I felt refreshed and inspired to finish telling our story.
Is there anything you regret?
I try not to live with regret, but I do regret not finding out the truth about my past sooner. However, I’m glad that I started interviewing my mom when I did, because if I waited much longer I might not have been able to get the answers that I needed. Interviewers have told me they wish they had spent more time connecting with their parents before they passed away. In that case, my advice would be: don’t wait until it’s too late! You won’t regret taking the time to interview and record your parents, collect photos, get the names of family members. Knowing your family history brings a rich sense of connection and value.
What do you wish you could have told your younger self?
When I think back to my childhood I remember being in my foster home, alone, afraid, and neglected. I wish I could have told myself – “Someday you will matter. You will be a badass, helping to make the world a more beautiful place.”
Now that you have a more public platform, what do you hope to achieve?
I hope to improve the lives of our foster youth and homeless community through my foundation, Heritage Home, and by supporting nonprofits such as Lemonade Project, Treehouse, and the William Temple House. These organizations are a top priority for me.
I also love sharing my story and connecting with readers who have challenging pasts of their own. I hope that my message of forgiveness encourages others to forgive and set themselves free of their burdens. The secrets of my past were corroding parts of my life. When I finally opened up to the world – it set me free.
“Stephanie hid the traumas of her past for decades, including her sexual abuse, poverty, and a mentally ill mother who went in and out of jail. One phone call brought her past to the present and forced her to face the past she’d long-ignored. An inspiring story of perseverance, grit, survival and humanity, “American Daughter” is a powerful, compelling memoir.”
“By sharing your story, I’m sure you know how much you’re helping others.”